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 A Realignment of Priorities

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Phlegm

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Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: A Realignment of Priorities   Mon 15 Oct - 12:43:59

A Realignment of Priorities

So we headed south which we regarded as a neutral decision. The mysterious missing shade had disappeared in this direction and we felt drawn to a frozen waterfall, which our doughty gnome began to scale with his trusty daggers acting as pitons. The rest of us scaled the icy surface with some difficulty: Some because of their natural ineptitude at climbing; some because they foolishly used daggers magically enchanted to melt away the very ice in which they were trying to gain purchase; some because they were distracted cooking lunch, a lunch regarded by many as an evil act.

Somewhat alarmingly the frozen sheet did split at one point imperilling even those who showed eptitude at climbing. After some alarms and excursions we gathered ourselves at the top where we could explore the cave discovered chaotically by Kasbo.

The cavern we had reached was unremarkable except that it contained a skull in which we sensed another spirit. The cave also had an alarming effect on our taste buds causing many of the party to become confused when assessing their Bolognese. As a result my extremely superior concoction was misadjudged to be inferior to the evil troll slop presumably squeezed from some unspeakable trollish organ concealed about Fuq’Witt’s person.

Despite this unlawful act, we soldiered on. A spirit emerged from the skull and moved to attack, but our undead comrade destroyed it utterly in an act that could easily be construed as good or evil depending on your point of view. Even when Talia does something good she somehow manages to execute* it in an evil fashion.

* And quite often we really do mean execute

As the shade faded, it uttered a word, Umbranse, which meant nothing to any of us. We were however all too damn cold to worry for the moment and in an act of supreme goodness I triggered my wand to issue soothing warmth for all which lasted for a blessed hour. During that hour Plainsweaver crushed the skull in a chaotic but probably good act and we got what rest we could. I attempted to meditate as I relearned my spells to see if any spirits were in contact range, but nothing.

We decided to travel on to Everlook as the trail had quite literally grown cold and the forest we travelled through was populated only by distressed brass monkeys. Arriving, we sent in the orc and Kasbo to shop for sorely needed clothes and they discovered that the sole source of apparel in what you might laughably call a settlement was a blond cigar chomping leather worker, who as it happened was able to fix it for us to obtain three sets of leather clothing for our human sized party members including of course my good self. All for the highly reasonable cost of one hundred and fifty gold pieces.

Now then or as they say in these parts, now then, now then, we were forced to continue to trade with this outrageous con merchant owing to the fact that the town’s Damart store remained a distant twinkle in the as yet unborn eyes of Mr and Mrs Damart.

Our Tauren, troll and gnome contingent he offered to outfit for a paltry six hundred more gold coins. Bargain. No wonder he was able to afford so much flashy jewellery. We declined the opportunity to bankrupt ourselves for the moment and failed completely to execute him brutally for these acts of extortion, daylight robbery and crimes against fashion, which may have been a good act, or could have been evil as presumably he would attempt the same on more victims in the future.

Kasbo meanwhile, prowled the hovels and tented encampment that made up a large portion of this place which with about twenty years of development might begin to aspire to the description of a one horse town. Essentially he was begging, and a tumbling performance earned him the reward of a satchel which with a little knife work became the most ridiculous pair of lederhosen ever worn by a member of gnome kind. Inflicting this vision on the rest of us was generally agreed to constitute an evil act.

Visiting local big wigs for intelligence gathering, we mentioned the shade’s mysterious utterance to Kalek Skyscraper. Skywalker suggested that we travel south to meet a mysterious elf named Nim. Skykeeper mysteriously hinted that the elf was not all he appeared, especially in the elf department. Our second noteworthy contact was Donna Snowden, keeper of the alchemy shop. She was interested in the strange green liquid that we had liberated from some dead firbolgs in a very good act we had carried out some days earlier.

This was the liquid that, together with GM incompetence had saved Kasbo in the ruins, hence our interest.* Donna was also interested and suggested we track back to the west where we would find the winterfell firbolgs. We travelled back the way we had come for several days until, striking off the road we encountered an encampment of the firbolgs.

*Sparked of course by the entirely good motive of wishing to spread the healing properties far and wide and not the utterly evil commercial motive of making ourselves rich on the proceeds of our accidental murdering of defenceless firbolgs.

As we stealthily surveyed the chanting group of firbolgs gathered around a bubbling cauldron of the very green stuff we sought, we plotted our next move. It turned out however that a picket we had failed to spot forced our hand, attacking us in an obviously evil act.

It was also a highly incompetent act as the luckless sentry plunged down the bank which was our vantage point. It did however serve to alert his companions to our presence, and the firbolgs knocked back the afore mentioned bubbling green stuff which interestingly caused three of them to drop down dead. Sadly there were a dozen more left, presumably souped up by their quick swigs of the green nectar. I used my trusty wand to create a wall of fire around the enemy,* but whilst it incinerated the sentry, it didn’t last long.

*Yes it was ring shaped but we’ve done that one to death

It did give me a chance to shoot a couple more with arcane missiles and as Plainsweaver charged to meet the attack, possibly recklessly, I struck three more with a fantastic throw of my enchanted moon glaive, killing two, however the green stuff had a surprise for us: It turned out that they weren’t dead at all, just resting. We enjoyed a struggle for our lives, finding it necessary to decaffeinate* each corpse to prevent it re activating.

*At least I think that’s what they said; I spent the rest of the engagement in strategic reserve. Presumably caffeine is a key ingredient of the drug explaining their hyper active behaviour after death.

We returned to Everlook and the lovely Donna bearing plenty of vials of the drug. She had completed her analysis of it in our absence and concluded that it was some bad acid.* She suggested that it was dangerous stuff, possibly connected to the firbolg civil war, which was certainly an evil thing. Her work revealed that oozlings** were a key ingredient of the mix and these were to be found at a spa back out west again.

*The diploma on the wall of her shop on close inspection proved to be a qualification in the bleeding obvious
**Cute cuddly innocent life forms being ruthlessly exploited by evil forces or
Mindless patches of slime formed into gelatinous mucoid lumps that the world can well do without. Delete as you feel applicable.


She also suggested that the chief of the firbolgs might be the evil mastermind whose elimination would resolve the war. So we could remove the means to make the potion or kill the brains behind the situation. Both options could be classified as evil or good acts according to your prevailing prejudice.

We travelled to the spa and spent an evening ooze bashing, only to later be accused of genocide by parties who felt that these harmless little frolicking oozes deserved endangered species status, despite their complete failure to be as cuddly as giant pandas,* as awe inspiring as the great whales, as comical as the dodo or as endearing as a plaintiff looking sick Holly dog.

* I assume that there is such a thing as a panda, after which the police car was named, but perhaps these are already extinct? I don’t know. After consideration I declined to include meercats in this list, as whilst undoubtedly cute, so far as I know they are neither endangered or possessing of Russian accents.

13.10.12
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