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 Surrounded by Cu*ts

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Number of posts : 761
Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: Surrounded by Cu*ts   Tue 9 Aug - 17:09:42

Surrounded by Cu*ts

Still trapped in the caverns of the cultists, the pervading influence of chaos continuing to sink deep into our very souls and psyches. Getz is depressed, Saladin psychotic, Syrilliac disturbingly at home and Andilwei fixated on his lost amulet. We continued to bide our time, but how much did we have?

We plotted on how to proceed: From our position of strength – no weapons or armour, not even our full range of spells available thanks to the loss of Syrilliac’s spellbook, and many of us grievously wounded, we were in no position it seemed to achieve our objective, and concerns over the influence of chaos were growing.

Getz and Saladin seemed to be enjoying the masses with increasing sincerity, mutation continued to spread through the party, Syrillia the latest victim, appearing to be developing an impressive tail which was doubly unwelcome as it rather disrupted one of her best assets.

Meanwhile the everyday hazards of life in the caverns materialised in the shape of the local beastman who took exception to us talking together. They drew weapons against us and attacked by surprise. Our necromancer reflexively used our only available defence: The doomstone. But would we be able to call on the missing crystal’s powers? It had failed to return to us since our possessions were handed over on arrival.

We needn’t have worried: She lashed out with a gust of power that blasted the three lizard beasts clean out of the cave and down to a dashing death.* Many of the cultist denizens expressed genuine delight at the sight of the hated bullies’ demise, some even tumbling out as well in their enthusiasm to see the end of the tormentors.

*A source who wished to remain anonymous was later quoted as saying that it was one of Syrillia’s finest ever blow jobs

The traditional familiar chants welcoming change fell away as Petra and her chaos warrior bodyguard arrived to see what the fuss was about. Her suspicion fell on us at once, but the surrounding cultists had not spotted the actions of the dark elf and put the whole incident down to the grace of T’Zench, as such to be welcomed and embraced.

However our sea elf saw fit to flex his doom muscles as well. Encouraged by the success of his dark reflection, he attempted to rid us of Petra and her cohorts, but succeeded only in transmuting the floor to mud, trapping all of us in the mire which instantly re-hardened.

At the mercy then of anyone who happened along, it was lucky for us that the cult leader himself and his team of crack warriors did not happen along at this moment. Instead, who should drop by but, oh, the cult leader and a team of his crack chaos warriors. Again the cult’s strange philosophy aided our cause, as pausing only to reflect on this latest wonder of T’Zench and execute Petra’s bodyguards for dereliction of duty, the good preacher and his entourage then wondered off after bidding us good day and ‘See you at mass’ type small talk, allowing us and Petra to eventually extricate ourselves.

At least we knew now that we could rely on our greatest weapon. The rest of the cult seemed to treat us with new respect too. Still licking our wounds though, Andilwei after eventually recovering from his dazed laughing state went on another of his scouting missions whilst the cult was at mass. He located the warrior quarters and recovered his precious amulet.

We next argued about how to proceed. The elf had imparted his experience of drug induced visions of T’Zench and the destruction of the stones and we felt that here was the answer to quest. Saladin was disturbingly keen to take the taste test next.* The question was, did we attempt it by subterfuge, or simply ask the great leader as the elf had done? Saladin blew his chance to ask during mass, so we reverted to type. (For those not paying attention, that’s sneaky, criminal, devious methods preferred).

*Just say no!

The elf Andilwei with his proficiencies was selected again to carry out the mission and again found himself in the alchemical wonderland of the laboratories. He touched one of the potions whilst gathering his booty and suffered another of the extraordinary visions of chaos: a mixture of foretelling, premonition, history and general trippiness.

He recovered his senses in a pool of vomit feeling somewhat drained on many levels. He gathered samples of four bubbling vats and cleaned up, popping his vomit into one for luck and a bit of much needed body.*

*Chateau Andilwei ’66. A remarkable vintage.

He returned with the hallucinogens and Saladin Balla Bing fell over himself to try it. What he found out, we don’t yet know, but through the miracle of cheatovision, we can reveal that he saw himself a great chaos warlord, fighting at the side of the feared Archeon as chaos forces engulfed the empire. In his vision he master minded the victory over the empire capturing impregnable Middenheim, carrying out many barbarous acts as he became a creature of chaos.

Finally he witnessed the death of the Emperor himself, only to slay his cruel master and his minions in the Imperial palace using the captured hammer of Sigmar himself. It didn’t end well for him though, as he destroyed himself in a grim sanity-sapping finale which has left him temporarily zombie like, much to the delight of Syrillia, who loves such toys.

There was a debate over who wanted to try to final dose of the strongest potion. Well not much of a debate really: Everyone was unanimous in regarding it as a seriously bad idea. Andilwei resolved the matter decisively by flicking a drop onto Getz, throwing him headlong into a vision. In this vision, some sort of warped version of history had Getz as a manipulator killing off members of the party himself, either directly or indirectly.

One thing that was clear as a result of the various visions we had undertaken: Andilwei is a git. Oh, and apart from that, the doomstone seems to need to be thrown into some sort of whirling air vortex or tear in reality or black hole or something. Time to quiz the library heads we think.

The usual tense journey to the heads during mass.* This time Getz keeps his cool, just about. The first surprise is that the doomstone is closer than we think. The devious little trickster has it seems returned to us already. It’s lodged as a glittering trinket in the necromancer’s belly button, unnoticed by us all, including allegedly, the girl herself. Yeah, right.

*For those amongst you who are of a nautical persuasion I would like to make clear at this point that I refer to the library of severed heads rather than the caverns’ toilets, which are of course fully integrated with the living quarters and therefore non existent as a concept. Think of the complex as an underground version of the V festival and you’ll have the idea about right

A round robin of questioning of the heads reveals that the afore mentioned inter-dimensional rip thingy is located 4 weeks travel north at Karak Gravening. Déjà vu? The bad news is that the growing storm around the rift will only allow access to it for two more weeks. We need transport and fast. Our semi dead library friends inform us that there’s a village a few miles south east that might supply something? Interestingly enough we meet with an old acquaintance during the discussions with the heads: Zoccri, or A6 to his friends, has found a new niche in life not that he seems any happier with it than he was before. Some people are never satisfied.

We need to get our stuff back and escape. We proceed to the empty caves where we know it was stashed and begin to gather it up. But, what’s that noise? Has hue and cry been raised against us? Is there an earthquake? Is that the buzz of a swarm of bees? All you would think very plausible and likely noises that you might expect to be hearing at this juncture. Well guess again.

So obviously it’s a fleet of ten dwarven gyrocopters spraying oil on the complex and following up with incendiary bombs. Just to add sauce to the goose, the cheery figure of our well known imperial inquisitor pursuer whose name escapes me is up there too doing his Bomber Harris impression. The formidable chaos warrior guarding the entrance had already taken the plunge of change* and a rain of fire was swiftly following.

*’It’s Raining Chaos Warriors’, the weather girls’ little known follow up single to ‘It’s Raining Men’ lacked the contemporary vigour and dramatic chord structure or lyrical wit and originality that made the latter such a success.

This left us with a new set of problems:

a) We wanted to take Zoccri’s head with us, but had left it behind.
b) We had our possessions but it would take time to don armour and re equip
c) All our new best friends including Getz’s would be bride were being horribly incinerated by bearded assassins
d) We were trapped, trapped like a party of demented adventurers in a cavern system being bombed by napalm-touting fanatical dwarves belonging to their doomstone fixated memory cult.*
e) Saladin, the part time zombie was cut off from us down below.
f) A bomb had trickled into the cavern where the other three of us were standing and was about to go off.
g) Saladin is a member of our party.

*Almost exactly like that in fact

Why can’t all our problems be more like (c) and (e)? However, Andilwei having already solved (a) by nipping back for it, now had a solution for our most immediate problem. ((f) in case you weren’t sure). He brilliantly used the doomstone to create a shield of rock, thick enough to contain the detonation and it did this with flair, panache and exquisite workmanship worthy of the greatest dwarven engineer. I do have to qualify at this point my praise to our gallant sea elf, as there was a tiny flaw in his completed shield.

This flaw was immediately apparent to Getz and Syrillia as they watched the dwarf bomblet, roll slowly down the cave’s gentle slope, its fuse spluttering alarmingly. It took Andilwei a couple of confused glances from his impressive rock barrier to the bomb and back before it dawned on him that the positioning of the barrier would possibly have been more effective had it been placed between us and the bomb. His reaction was of course the typical response we had come to expect: He laughed.

The blast engulfed us but fortunately the doomstone’s protective effects were being shared, and the flames washed over us ineffectually. Andilwei now used it again to create an escape passage. Once more his superb skill and judgement came into play, and instead of creating a simple escape passage we could stroll down safely with no risk, he was inspired enough to provide a handy vertical shaft which gave exciting scope for fatal falls as we tried to clamber out under fire. Perhaps we’d be lucky enough to have a bomb dropped straight down it as we climbed? We could only hope.

The dark elf meanwhile was concentrating on motivating the zombie Arab as he tried to climb to safety whilst the dwarf bombers continued to circle dropping fiery death, fortunately away from our area. We all scrambled up and out of the heart of chaos that had been our home for these past few weeks. Slurk had reappeared somewhere but we couldn’t be sure if he had reached safety, still don’t trust him, interesting that he reappears on the cusp of disaster.

We saw the leader himself accepting his fate beatifically and calmly; at least he practised what he preached as the final change consumed him. Petra seemed a little less keen and crawled out desperately out of the complex, only for her face to explode as a dwarf sniper neatly placed a projectile through the back of her skull.

Andilwei, returning fire, shot a dwarf pilot through the beard; one down, nine to go. All was confusion; smoke; the cries of the burning; the roar of flames; the strange rattling of machinery beating out unnatural rhythms as they kept the mechanical flying marvels orbiting above; the sharp cracks of fearsome dwarf guns; the booming detonations of the bomblets, the echoes amplified by the caverns which added their own cacophonous symphony of collapsing rubble, splintering rocks and crashing boulders as blast waves shattered and fractured ancient colonies of stalagmite and stalactite alike.

The Heart of Chaos is no more, but we need to make sure it’s not just the prelude to the triumph of T’Zench’s 4000 year old project Armageddon. If we can’t get away and find a way to travel back to Gravening in double quick time, we’ll be looking on these incinerated cultists as the lucky ones…

Thank You for reading ‘Surrounded by Cults’.

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