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 Chaotic Cardiff

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Phlegm

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Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: Chaotic Cardiff   Mon 25 Jul - 13:13:39

Chaotic Cardiff

We gave Slurk a moderate grilling* in the morning concerning his unexpected willingness to put us in touch with T’Zench’s best mate. Apparently his Great Master is handily located in a nearby settlement which for the purposes of this account we will refer to as Cardiff,** and has been a close Facebook friend of the aforementioned daemon lord for a considerable period of time.

*Medium Rare
** If one imagines the sound of a llama clearing its throat whist gargling half a pint of yak sweat and then sneezing, one may gather a sense of the pronunciation of just some of the opening syllables of the place’s true name


Slurk was happy to escort us to Cardiff at no cost in order that we could effect an introduction to this no doubt kindly old buffer, who over a cup of tea and buns would no doubt consult his demonic acquaintance, who would be only too delighted to take a break from his mission to spread chaos and destruction throughout the known (and unknown) planes of existence, to supply an instructive diagram, that would clearly demonstrate the way to destroy unwanted chaos gifts, including in particular doomstones.

No doubt the method so revealed would be something very straightforward, definitely not including any need to quest for further magic items or visit anywhere hazardous defended by unspeakable horrors bent on eviscerating any passing doomstone wielders.*

*Or just maybe involving some or all of the above

Thus reassured, we decided to follow our two headed best friend to Cardiff to bring a swift, easy end to all of our troubles. A few days later we approached a fissured mountain, the location of the heroic T’Zench worshippers, and our hearts all soared accordingly. Although the climb was steep, Digger was of course already dead and therefore our progress was uninterrupted by the need to go and pick him up after one of the famous body smashing falls of which he was so fond.

Imagine our surprise when two cordons of Chaos warriors waved us through as associates of the mighty Slurk. Maybe we should appoint our flapping friend as party leader?* Reaching the peak and looking down into the fissure, we beheld a network of cave mouths peppering the mountainside, linked by a none too sturdy looking network of scramble nets and ropes.

*We’ll probably discover later that he’s T’Zench in disguise knowing our luck

As we watched, a family of halflings traversing the ropes had a slight mishap, one of their number plunging into the misty distance where it met a destiny best described in terms of Professor Tratternatch’s famous splattification index.* The fatal fall attracted little interest or reaction from onlookers other than spontaneous rather well drilled and practised salutations of glory addressed to T’Zench.** Apparently radical change such as moving from this world to the next is merely evidence of his greatness, power and general supremacy, and as such is to be welcomed, embraced and celebrated.

* For the record it was only a 4.3, well halflings just don’t have the body mass for a really good score.
**With which we were to become increasingly familiar in the coming days


Descending the latticework of nets proved tricky; no doubt they are responsible for quite a bit of change around here. Getz almost fell* but caught himself in time before the party emerged into the safety of one of the caves.

*Probably not helped by the fact that the GM insisted on continually addressing him as ‘Digger’ thereby apparently bestowing on him some of Digger’s cliff falling tendencies

On entering the caves we beheld various creatures of chaos, beastmen who swaggered around bullying lesser beings as if they owned the place,* as well as mutants of other species, though we did see some who were curiously untouched. The beastmen very kindly laid on regular demonstrations of just how easy it was to undergo T’Zench’s great change whenever anyone crossed them, got in their way or, well just stood temptingly close to the cliff edge.

*Which to be fair…

Our hostess now arrived to welcome us as new members of the cult of T’Zench. Interestingly she treated Slurk with a fair degree of contempt and he sloped off. She took us to another cavern, a temple like chamber dedicated to the daemon lord. She questioned us each in turn asking about our commitment to chaos; T’Zench; our willingness to abandon concepts such as love; spit on rival holy symbols; our degree of hatred for rival daemon lord Nurgle and so on.

Getz found it easy to agree with everything required given his manic depressive tendencies and recent loss. Saladin Bala Bing of course was a natural who breezed through; (luckily there was no intelligence test). Andilwei Sofa Eater seemed to have no trouble either, his soul blackening every day, he even came out with a touching story about the death of his brother, callously murdered by a, well let’s just say close family member, as part of his cover story. Syrillia of course was a pure reflection of the evil Petra and doubtless aced her examination.

Zoccri was a little more principled and the doomstone designer soon found himself hanging around thanks to some misplaced principles. Getz joined him, having made the mistake of being a little too enthusiastic in his affirmation of loyalty to T’Zench to the extent that he asked for reassurance that the master’s teachings were fully in accordance with the daemon’s philosophy. Later as he was beaten thoroughly by a squad of reptilian beastman guards, he reflected that the master was unduly sensitive about visitors doubting his abilities.

As part of the questioning and our acceptance into the cult as lowest of the low of course, we had to surrender all of our worldly possessions, so we found ourselves unarmed, unarmoured and of course, un-doomstoned in a somewhat hostile and dangerous environment. We gained some intelligence from others, turns out almost everything is against the rules, and rules as we’d already discovered, were enforced with severe punishments.

Getz was a little indisposed following his discussion on cult etiquette with some of the cult’s enforcers and rested up for a while. Our elf duo did some reconnoitring, discovering that their licence to roam through the complex was not quite as generous as we had been led to believe: Visiting higher ranked sleeping quarters was out for example, as was popping in to the magic mushroom caverns where only the most trusted were involved in harvesting the staple food of the T’Zenchites.

They also discovered the kitchens, and the source of certain disturbing screams that permeated parts of the complex. A giant humanoid, wedged in a passageway, so bloated that it blocked the passage completely. In its 107 or possibly 108 stone bulk lay the source of Cardiff’s meat, carved from the still living creature by the team of cordon blue chefs that staffed the food halls.

The creature plaintively though silently appealed to our elf team for release, though quite how it expected our duo to despatch it in their unarmed state is anyone’s guess. Incredibly, Oakshadow appeared to be moved by the plight of the creature and determined to despatch the creature at the earliest opportunity. What’s that all about?

We also learned of a strange senior henchman of the master who is currently growing a second head, a phenomenon of note even in this nest of mutants. A halfling scribe tells us the tale; he has been tasked with following him around and copying down the murmurings of the second head that has begun to give voice in recent days.

Andilwei meanwhile had resisted the temptation to attempt to recover his prized regeneration amulet, but the feeling is that it’s just a matter of time. The doomstone itself remains conspicuous by its absence. Perhaps it does not feel sufficiently separated from us? Or maybe some kind of mystical barrier is preventing its return? Or maybe it has acquired a new owner already? Perhaps we should try and summon it ourselves…Our plotting is interrupted by news from Petra: We are to be honoured with attendance at a lecture by the mysterious master: Mauro Malusalbus.

23.7.11
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