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 Silence In Court!

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Phlegm

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Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: Silence In Court!   Tue 10 May - 17:49:38

Silence in Court

A court room. Six defendants stand in the dock..

Lawyer: Describe in your own words what happened on the night of the 8th.

Defendant One: Well, we’d spent some time searching for the last doomstone …

Prosecutor: Objection! M’lud we had clearly agreed earlier in this hearing that the doomstones were to be referred to as Stones of Doom Designed Or Fashioned For Creation Of Chaos and Killing.

Judge: Counsel is correct; the prisoner will so refer to the object in question or use the agreed acronym at least.

Def One: Apologies, M’lud. We were searching for the last SODDOFFCOCK without much success, specifically we believed we needed details of the ritual to access the tomb containing the royal crown which we were reasonably certain contained it.

Def Two: I was scouting ahead, this lot tended to sneak around with all the delicacy of a heard of elephants. Well I heard dwarf voices down the corridor…

Def Three: We had already had some, er problems with the dwarves who were themselves searching the complex for the same tomb as us, but for different reasons.

Def Four: Not that they had given me much trouble, dwarves are fundamentally weak and their so called magic resistance over rated.

Def Five: But given that they were not our enemies, we naturally wanted to avoid any conflict if at all possible

Def Six: Yeah well some of us did, those dwarves were as up for a fight as…

Defence lawyer: Objection! I ask the court to strike my last client’s comment from the record and remind the court that his insanity was certified prior to the commencement of proceedings.

Judge: Overruled. The jury will judge the defendant’s comments on merit and in the context of other evidence.

Five: So we agreed between ourselves that we would capture the dwarves without bloodshed

Prosecutor: So how do you explain the events of the next few minutes?

Five: An unfortunate combination of circumstances: It all started well enough we moved down the corridor, a few of us chatting in dwarvish so we sounded like normal dwarves returning.

Prosecutor: So, a deliberate subterfuge designed as a prelude to the murder of my clients.

One: Not at all, we needed to get close in order to avoid indiscriminate missile fire.

Six: Speak for yourself

Defence lawyer: So the ploy succeeded?

Three: Yeah, we took them by surprise

One: Avoiding therefore a dangerous exchange of missile fire

Four: But instead of throwing themselves on our mercy like any sensible lower form of life would have done, they tried to resist

Five: It would have been better if they had just surrendered

Prosecutor: Did you call on them to surrender?

Five: Er, not exactly, we were trying to be quiet you see

Prosecutor: So instead you attacked them

Six: Not that wimp, me and her ladyship there tried one of her spells but it didn’t work

Four: Hey, it was starting to work but with all your arms flailing about it’s no wonder the effect was delayed

Six: Any way my guy soon went down and the other guy wasn’t up to much either

Five: I think what my friend is trying to say is that he successfully subdued the pair with a use of reasonable but minimal force

Prosecutor: I draw the jury’s attention at this point to the coroners report (exhibit G) on subjects 41 and 42, in particular the multiple contusions caused by what the coroner refers to as a frenzied attack both ante and post mortem

Defence lawyer: Objection! The cause of death was inconclusive in that report

Prosecutor: My learned friend is of course correct, as paragraph three of the conclusion of Exhibit G clearly states and I quote ‘Of course the massive magically induced tissue damage and combustion may have been a more significant factor in the termination of these subjects, it is impossible to tell…’

Two: We felt cremation was what they would have wanted

One: We’re naturally very concerned at observance of the burial rituals of all cultures

Prosecutor: Touching, but of course these rituals would have been unnecessary but for your presence.

Three: The dwarves were we felt on the verge of blowing the very large horn

Five: And it’s true to say that some of those hallways looked very prone to subsidence, infact a very large section of the ceiling collapsed only a few minutes later as my bearded friend here was inspecting it, we narrowly escaped only by making sure we were no where near him when he whipped it out

Prosecutor: Yes, I see in his earlier sworn testimony he says and I quote: ‘I just pointed my SODDOFFCOCK at it and it fell down’

Defence lawyer: Objection! That is part of an illegally obtained confess.. er statement obtained before my client was aware of his rights and had the benefit of counsel.

Six: Yeah, that was before we’d agreed what we were going to say.

One: So we subdued these two frankly very frail dwarves who were about to recklessly endanger everyone with their completely thoughtless horn blowing

Four: And they tragically died and spontaneously combusted

Two: I’m sure their only solace was our presence there to witness the event so we could report on their terrible fate

Prosecutor: And yet one of you gave a conflicting account stating that he tried to prevent certain spell casting?

Five: That’s correct; I was merely concerned at the possible harm that might have been caused as our spellcaster frankly has a history of self harming where spell casting is concerned.

Prosecutor: Is this true?

Four: Unfortunately yes and I have the mental and physical scars to prove it.

Prosecutor: Hmm, so assuming this was all a misunderstanding, coincidence or freakish accident, how do you account for the massacre of a further six dwarves?

Six: They had it coming.

Two: Yeah, I fired several warning shots into their heads for a start

One: Yes, we tried to warn them as our little friend here has occasional seizures brought on by his extra limbs

Four: Once those arms get swinging he just can’t stop

Five: Luckily by a miracle I was able to pull the only survivor clear and I took him to a place of safety.

Prosecutor: By which I suppose you mean anywhere where you and your gang of cutthroats weren’t?

Five: Hey, I resemble, sorry resent that remark. I took him to some priest quarters and we had a little chat, I’m sure we both ended up mates.

Prosecutor: Do you usually tie up your mates?

Five: Hey let’s not go there; my private life’s my own all right?

Prosecutor: So as the leader of this little band of killers, perhaps you’d like to explain what happened next?

One: OK, I love a question of sport. Where’s the clip then? Oh I see. We moved up the now dwarf free halls and corridors heading back to the throne room we had found earlier. There we bumped in to a very pleasant and amiable dwarf scholar.

Five: Yeah, I had a little chat first and then we all helped him look for some paperwork he had lost.

Prosecutor: Paperwork that you had earlier stolen?

Five: Strewth, I don’t think so, we did have a lot of paperwork by then, but I don’t think any was his, not that I’m much of a reader.

Four: I managed to charm him of course; I think these academics are the ones to watch you know.

Prosecutor: And did he at any point refer to fellow scholar Gimbri Flintbrow?

Two: The name cropped up

Prosecutor: I remind the jury of coroners report Exhibit G appendix two for full details, but was this not the same Flintbrow tortured and executed by you only days earlier? Did not the name raise any warning flags in your minds?

Six: Oh him…well I wouldn’t call it an execution exactly…

One: By which he means no comment your honour, between ourselves, I think he’s been having one of his famous drinking contests with the gaolers and he’s as drunk as a judge

Judge: You mean as drunk as a lord

One: Yes m’lud. Anyway perhaps you’d better just strike everything he says from the record, he doesn’t even know the date of his own birthday and he was pretty traumatised by all that wandering around down there. He got lost in a lot of back passages…

Bailiff: Silence in Court!


09.05.11


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