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 The Other Side Issue 263

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Phlegm

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Number of posts : 751
Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: The Other Side Issue 263   Mon 6 Jun - 11:36:27

THE OTHER SIDE
Fanzine of the Eternal Champions and Extreme Prejudice Issue 263


Wood Elf league Debut Sees Scare For Eternals


Green Daze 1 Eternals 2
Visiting the Daze attractively named ground* the Eternals clearly came expecting an easy win over the novice team. Creoch’s side out gunned the home side sufficiently that the elves enjoyed 300,000 worth of extra training inducements. They were also using a couple of journeymen and had a number of players still carrying the effects of some traumatic early matches.

*The Bog of Eternal Stink

Unwise Elf Penetration
The home team won the toss and Rimlat kicked off for the Eternals, dropping the ball deep on the left where it was caught by a passing wood elf. Over 30,000 fans watched astonished as the elf catcher, somewhat over keen, ran through our right and received a pass from the wood elf thrower, however, he was alone in our half and within easy reach of a bevy of our players.

Crowd Gets Involved
Itria of the zombie squad and Okla the Slayer fell under elvish attack, but the Eternals’ line stood up well to the inexperienced attack. Wolf Ray Fin Rey blitzed the catcher into the crowd who spent some minutes throwing it between the East and South banks until eventually Amyra was able to scoop it up and advance on our right.

Dire Daze Doctor
Our players moved to screen her and Skort Lifta downed a lineman close by but the elves retaliated, their war dancer knocking out Rimlat. Ray now forced the high agility thrower into the crowd who injured him. An apothecary attempt failed to revive the casualty so the Daze were down to ten for the rest of the game and currently it was nine v ten in our favour on the field.

Elves Clog Progress
Our advance was stalling however as we could not make great headway against the dense screen of defenders, Slasher Pendle managed a stun, but he was away on the left flank well out of the main action. Ray in particular could not get the elves’ biggest threat, their war dancer down. Put simply, lacking elvish agility Green Daze presented more of a barrier to us than we did to them.

Ghoul Thwarted
Then a fast turnover for the home side sent a groan through 15,000 home supporters who were outnumbered by visiting fans. Amyra raced away and zombies Dredd and Slasher both managed stuns as at last the Eternals took a clear advantage. But then disaster, Amyra was caught and knocked out by a lucky blitz and the ball went into the crowd again, at least they were getting their money’s worth this match.

Buttered Ball Syndrome
A dodging elf eventually picked it up but could not keep his feet, Wight She’ Hem Maplin could not recover the ball and it also bounced through Zash’s paws. The war dancer recovered the ball daringly but fumbled the pass to a comrade in scoring range. Zash grabbed the loose ball this time and passed to She’ Hem but it went wide.

And Then, From Nowhere…
The war dancer with the clock expiring managed more dodging and grabbed the ball again and this time pulled off the pass for an easy score by the unmarked lineman. 1-0 ahead after being on the back foot for nearly the whole half, the home fans went wild. The Eternals looked crestfallen with just one turn left in the half.

Triple Knock Out
The Eternals determined to take their revenge on the three linemen unlucky enough to set up on the scrimmage line. Both our KO ghouls recovered from their knock out and the elf catcher returned from the crowd. Ten v eleven in our favour in terms of personnel available. Strax, Dredd and Ray all scored KOs in the brief possession and She’ Hem made a token pass to Amyra.

OK With Blocks…Not So The Ball
Second half and two knocked out players returned for Green Daze leaving them two short for this drive. They kicked deep and we laid into the enemy flooring five elves two stunned, though Okla almost cocked up his block. Amyra then failed to pick the ball up despite her sure hands, demonstrating a worrying lack of skill especially considering that she would receive the MVP award this match.

Daze Threaten Breakthrough
Elves broke through on both flanks threatening our pair of ghouls. The war dancer actually leapt through our line and we gathered defenders around the interlopers. Amyra at last grabbed the ball and moved towards our right. Then another quick dodge fail by the elves hampered their defence, Ray took full advantage blitzing the war dancer down, knocking him out cold.

Werewolf Scores
Dredd managed a stun and a desperate block against Amyra by a lone dodging lineman failed this time. She’ Hem and Amyra shoved him into the crowd who obliged by inflicting an injury on him. Zash then scored a KO unsuccessfully attempting to push another elf into the crowd. Advancing Amyra handed off to Zash who ran in the equaliser as the elves ran out of defenders.

Time Running Out
A new drive then and continuing his policy of rotating the zombie squad Creoch brought on recently recruited Arze for Nefacay who had himself replaced Slasher at the half. The war dancer remained KO though the previously KO lineman did return, still only eight elves faced our full team but time running short and our kick.

Critical Failure Allows Score
Rimlat kicked very precisely to the far corner on the left and the elves failed to collect the ball. We broke into the scrimmage line downing several elves and piled forward on the left with Ray Rimlat and She’ Hem. Supported by Rimlat Ray blitzed the elf by the ball into the crowd (another KO) and ran onto the ball that had rolled into the end zone. He picked it up to score.

Wolf Casualty
A lucky break then but it was not quite over, the final drive and Rimlat’s kick was collected deep right and passed forward ending up loose midfield near Amyra. Ray blitzed down the catcher on the extreme left scoring our third casualty, this one the most serious suffered by Daze, their catcher is out next match as a result.

Zombie Sent Off
Itria was then sent off for a foul that knocked out another hapless elf and the game ended with an ignominious failed block on golem Okla the Slayer.  Amyra ended the game with the ball in her possession. Two One the final score and Three Nil on casualties though the crowd contributed two of those. Amyra and She’ Hem both secured advances and 50,000 in winnings for the team coffers.

Potential Emerging?
Creoch batted away questions about how such a new team had the temerity to take the lead: ‘They show promise every new team comes to a point where it finds its best tactical approach and Green Daze will be a difficult prospect once they are seasoned by a few more matches, have developed some of their players and strengthened their squad.’

Great Run Continues
The match means the Eternals now have three league wins and a draw, a remarkable run comparable with anything in their history. The opposition has included some of the more successful and experienced teams, dare we suggest that it augurs well for their best season since their championship year in BBI? Probably not to be fair. Let’s see how they do in the Dungeonbowl, traditionally where Creoch delivers his worst team performances.

Ratastrophe Draw On Debut

Ratastrophe 1 Extreme Prejudice 1

Another inexperienced team facing the Fatlox franchise, but unlike the Eternals, Extreme have been stuttering uncertainly, hit hard by injuries and deaths in early matches that have significantly delayed team development in key areas. The completely novice skaven team would have issues staying alive, Extreme’s problem remains lack of scoring power with the ball. The rats were significantly induced with Babes training and a spare apothecary, the Babes in particular would be in heavy demand.

Extreme Take First Reception
With Orblio and Jet Haberthwaite out injured we had a squad of seven rotters, three warriors two pestigora and Bactillia, the beast making its second appearance. Dave and Dick, two of the new rotters recruited in the last game against Human Waste sat out the first drive as we received after winning the toss.

Poor Start
Gatchamee dropped the high kick in the end zone in a display of ball handling that would characterise our possession. We could not even say we made up for it with our blocking as the entire round of blocking left the skaven all standing, whilst Malekor and MVP Cranial McCavity both went down in reply. Not encouraging for a team that prides itself on the level of violence it brings to the field.

Skaven Close In
Cheg did manage a KO at last but meanwhile Gatchamee continued to juggle the ball unsuccessfully deep in our half. Cheg managed a second KO but we were making no progress with the ball and the skaven were closing in with their unbelievable turn of speed. Four rotters were boxing in two gutter runners who were trying to flank us, but boxing such agile creatures is by no means easy and we were far from confidant that we could contain the attack.

Still Can’t Pick Up
One gutter runner failed a dodge as the boxing proved effective, but sadly it was not the only one available. Kraz and Qualacob shoved another into the crowd and Evil Blata inflicted our first casualty. Malekor had dropped back to collect the ball given Gatchamee’s evident lack of competence, however, he was to prove just as butter fingered, extra practice sessions with the ball are a must for this team.

Slippery Skaven Scores
This allowed a gutter runner with some skilful dodging and go for its to collect the ball and score, silencing the 17,000 Extreme fans briefly. This brought back one KO skaven so only nine faced us for the next drive. Hastican brought on Dick and Dave for Fayley Bayley and Kraz in an effort to see if we could quieten the 9000 skaven supporters.

Triple Knockout
We received with brilliant coaching and Qualacob and McCavity quickly scored KOs. Needless to say, Malekor then failed the ball pick up. Time was running short for us, players were running short for the rats. Another KO, this time for Qualacob, and we pushed forward, bringing a couple of rotters into scoring range.

Catastrophe Strikes Ratastrophe
There were still three unmarked skaven and they closed down Malekor and threw a screen across their left flank guarding the end zone. Gatchamee blitzed his fellow pestigor free and Malekor ran forward and got the pass away to rotter Dick. There was a gap in the thin skaven line and Dick scored.

Babes At Work
Three knock outs returned from the KO dugout leaving the rats two short for the brief final drive of the first half. Kraz returned in place of Dave. Shascue was felled by the rats at the third attempt after two baulked at his appearance and they got a token pass in backfield. Half over and the last KO recovered leaving ten players to receive our kick.

Initial Assault Driven Back
Our cheering fans put up a great performance as we kicked midfield n the right, the bulk of the opposition having loaded against our left. We effectively screened off the advance against our left causing his gutter runner assault to retreat back and hand off to the thrower, who dropped the ball.

Beast Down
Bactillia now failed a block for a quick turnover, but not before Malekor had got close to the loose ball. The rats were trying to attack our right having drawn a mass of defenders to our left but the plan was not going well for our opponents as the thrower failed to collect the ball having caught a dose of whatever Gatchamee had been suffering from.

Casualties Exchanged
Malekor blitzed down a gutter runner for our second casualty of the game but then failed to dodge away to go for the loose ball again. The thrower got to the ball and made a long pass to a runner in the middle of our backfield on the right. He was in scoring range. Kraz was now carried off the field injured. It did not look good for us.

Illegal Action
Evil Blata got to the attacker but fell himself, the ball was loose in our half now. The skaven thrower grabbed it again and passed but the ball fell wide and it was another turnover. Hastican was so distracted that he annoyingly fell victim to an illegal procedure call. Gatchamee scored a stun and Blata got by the ball to try and hamper the score attempt.

More Quick Turnovers
Then our third casualty as Imrin Vhan in the centre of our defence brought down a rat in what would have been a fatal tackle were it not for the efforts of the unsporting apothecary. Blata downed the skaven waiting to score and grabbed the ball himself. The thrower trying to blitz him failed a dodge for another quick turnover and Blata moved away from our end zone.

Stalemate
But it was too late to even attempt a score now; with no one far enough forward to receive a pass, Dick took to fouling with little luck and Blata, attempting a consolation pass to Qualacob failed that, though ironically the ball bounced to Malekor.

Both Sides Inadequate
So a game that a more experienced and developed side would have won. Both sides missed out on score opportunities because of lack of skills despite the extra training taken by the Skaven. Hastican was clearly unhappy: ‘Spider farming in addled patent leather mega dilatory, what military could vapoured table mats. Ham and eggs, city sculpted crumbly portions, goodnight and excellence.’

Squad Pruned
It was confirmed after the match that Kraz, seriously injured in this game, and Orblio who missed the match, have both had their contracts terminated as Hastican and Vagilex try to rationalise their fragile squad. As a result Dave will take over the number one shirt, and Dick the number 16.

Rumour Mill

• Wight Strax to be fired from Eternals as soon as funds permit

• Green Daze considering additional journeymen as a policy approach

• Coach of Friends of Khorne rumoured not to know what day it is

• Friends of Khorne in Chaos cup clash with Reptile Dysfunction still no date set.

• Khorne Coach not knowing what day it is not helpful in this respect

• Grizzler Greybeard to start regular TOS column

The ICF
Supporting the Champions Eternally

We may be late, but our deliveries are on time.

This week postal service tips, another public service from the ICF.

Remember when posting products prone to rot or decay, to let us know – ask about our special decomposition guarantee.

The best packaging for certain perishable products like blood is to adopt a kill-on-delivery approach.

When posting bones, wrap them individually to avoid annoying rattling.

Note that we normally stow coffins vertically in transit, but please let us know if the occupant has a preference.

Sending zombies or golems long distances? It may be cheaper to send them in instalments. Ask for a price comparison on our ICF Ready-Reckoner: This shows at a glance the optimum number of packages to minimise postage and save you money.

THE ICF:
THE FINAL WORD IN SERVICE

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