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 The Other Side Issue 258: TOSSA special

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Phlegm

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Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: The Other Side Issue 258: TOSSA special   Mon 25 Apr - 11:58:44

THE OTHER SIDE
Fanzine of the Eternal Champions and Extreme Prejudice
Incorporating In Extremis Issue 258 2016 TOSSA Special


Eleventh TOSS Awards Held

The annual awards were presented last week to recognise areas of achievement, excellence and bribery as is traditional. A number of non Bloodbowl related areas were also included as the season remains relatively young.

Apart from the great game, attendees were celebrating 12 months of Zombies, Nazis, space travel and 40k. Winners are underlined in each list of nominees.

Most Romantic Encounter

• Ivan and Eddie though consummation was never proved

Petrova and Vladivar who found the time to get it on during a search of a zombie filled hospital.
Most unsuccessful Bluff Attempt

• Thud for pretending he does not have a grenade related problem

• Sar D’Tak Pretending he was helping a drunk when actually he was carrying a drugged victim he was about to brutally murder

• Petrova with her conversation with an NKVD commissar followed by an equally cack handed attempt to kill him

Most horrendous Pun

Too many to recount here and TOS judges ruled fish puns as ineligible this year in an effort to speed up the process. The winner (whilst others floundered) Sam for the ‘ricerection’ of Flask

Most heroically Futile Death

Eddie whose final grenade run in the minefield was notable for his failure to let go of said grenade in a somewhat fundamental lapse of tossing protocol.

• Scrap Maverick heroically gunned down in the dungeons during the rebellion on Brizeno

• Corbyn and Thud attempting to disarm the self-destruct on the enemy ship.

• Sar D’Tak, killed by Greg after his transformation into a monstrous killer super zombie.

• The Amazing Perci heroically blown to bits by Thud’s grenade*

*Is it me or is there a theme emerging with Kev?

Most Annoying Speech Impediment

• Viscount Salakan Moreau
Arch Duke Maverick 1st

Best Navigator

Scrap Maverick. Noted for his unusually innovative and circuitous routes for apparently straight forward trips

• Corbyn Van Vibulent who seems to have picked up the same knack without even attending the Scrap Maverick School of Navigation

Most Evil Character

• The entire party who were involved in the atrocity on Survinda that killed an estimated three million men, women and children in an unprovoked terrorist bombing

• Sar D’Tak for his Joseph Mengele like habit of carrying out what he refers to as ‘medical research’ on prisoners.

But unlike many decisions, here was a category with a clear stand out winner:

Sar D’Tak who modestly claims that his blood chilling child massacres were completely unplanned and accidental.

Back now to categories where there were fine margins separating the contenders, especially this one:

Stupidest Character

• Salakan, whose ideas included launching the SS Company Ship by breaking a bottle of Champagne over the controls

• Sar, for setting the bomb timer on Survinda for ten hours when we had to get 200 miles away to be safe and we had no transport and a million strong crowd in the way

• Salakan, who left his comlink so that it rang whilst we were sneaking up on the group of heavily armed mercenaries

• Thud, attempting to head butt our captors on Survinda once we were all tied up and totally incapable of escape

Skarl for her suffocating of Corbyn trying to heal him

• Corbyn for trying to disarm the self-destruct on the enemy ship.

• Thud for going with him to help.

• Salakan trying to open a window during the raid on the lab.

• Thud firing on his own comrades’ car as they tried to disable the escaping freighter.

• Salakan failing to recognise a disguised Sar dropping a note on his table whilst on surveillance duties (He returned the secret message to the litter lout)

• Thud who deludedly believes that he can handle grenades

The Freebie and the Bean memorial TOSSA for Most Unwelcome companion in a Public Toilet

Only one winner here, Thud, for whom a visit to the toilet, whether on a space station, a colony ship or a humble zoo, can include murder, mugging, mayhem, assault with a deadly weapon and bomb planting, or a combination of the above. It’s unclear if he is aware of the actual function of toilet facilities in fact.

Best relationship with an inanimate object

• Scrap Maverick and the chair on board Skarl’s ship

• The Amazing Perci and his wand

• Any character played by Kev and his grenades

Best Hat

• Scrap Maverick

The Amazing Perci and his rabbit/ dove filled dispenser that doubled as a hat

Most infected Crewman

• Salakan visitor to any and all dens of depravity in every port

Thud for infecting and wiping out half the population of Sarpey

Most Robotic Performance
SAM

Most successful Sexual Harassment

Thud for his attempt on Anastacia

Least Successful Sexual Harassment

• Magenta De Frille for attempting to seduce two of the three Amigos (all shape shifted aliens of course). For the record she drew the line at seducing anyone called Dave.

Thud for his attempt on Anastacia

Beardee with a growth most closely resembling a German Lesbian’s bush

Nominated, Phil and Kev who both tried to impress the judges with some variations this year, Ian and Toby but frankly not in the same class, the winner though sadly no longer with us: Helga.

Most Hopeless Shot

• Thud with a monoblade

Thud with a grenade(s)

• Skarl with a missile launcher

• Sar D’Tak with a monoblade

40K Deadliest opponent

Tyranids 6 defeats, 3 draws, no wins

Most success against

The Blood Angels 3 wins 1 defeat

Moving now to Bloodbowl

The Scooby Doo TOSSA for the peskiest player.

Holders: Worlds Edge Wanderers

No one has been sufficiently irritating to date, we expect great things of Green Daze’s agility 5 player, and Human Waste’s agility 4 lineman. Such players have a good record in this category and the extra armed beastman of the Friends also shows potential. We look forward to next year when hopefully we can again say, ‘and we would have won that game too, if it hadn’t been for that pesky…’

The Frankly Utterly Crazed Killers Award

(This award sponsored again by the Schiller C2 wheelable chair.)

Holders: The EAS Arabian Knights

• The Friends of Khorne who killed Pestigor Jags Toxic

• Reptile Dysfunction who killed Rotter Sten in an unfriendly draw

• Extreme who killed a beastman of the Friends of Khorne

• The Eternal Champions who killed two Norse Linemen playing the Family Killers

• Reptile Dysfunction who killed two members of Green Daze though one sadly was revived.

• Human Waste who killed Maximillus the pestigor

• The Niggling Nagarothians who killed Vigrid the pestigor and rotter Ibicore in the same match

The Grizzler Greybeard TOSSA for best crushing and flattening performance by a device designed by Dwarves.

Holders: The Dwarf Cowboys

Sadly no nominations in this category this year to Grizzler’s great dismay.

Most Gratifying Opponent Cock up

Holders: The Goblin City Midgets

• A huge number of 1’s rolled by the Niggling Nagarothians for Go for its and dodges in a game v Extreme, in the same game they failed blocks twice with no reroll to our once despite the fact that we had no players that could block and the Elves had three

• The Friends of Khorne had a pretty ropey game luck wise against the Eternals

The Throwing away points with poor last turn defending TOSSA

Holders: The Entropic Marauders

• The Friends of Khorne fail to prevent a bludgeoned Dark Elf team from scoring in the last turn despite being decimated

The Throwing away points with poor last turn attacking TOSSA

Holders: Extreme Prejudice

Coach Hastican of Extreme wrongly calling an illegal procedure against the Friends allowing them to reroll a failed ball pick up and pass away from their own end zone where we had lost possession preventing any chance of us scoring in a game we went on to lose 1-0

• Extreme also failed to score with a last gasp pass v Reptile Dysfunction with a fumbled pass.

• Friends of Khorne fail to score for the win going for it against the Nigglers

• Green Daze who failed to score against the Nigglers with a last turn GFI fail

• Reptile Dysfunction who failed a last gasp hand off from a going for it saurus to a skink to score against the Friends of Khorne and snatch a last minute winner.

The Jammy buggers award for the luckiest team

Holders The Chaos All Stars

Winners the Eternals who somehow managed to beat the Friends of Khorne in a very tight hard fought game

Pussies of the Season

Holders Draegon’s Despoilers

The Nigglers who failed to inflict any casualties or indeed knock outs against Extreme.

The Ian Dury What a waste award

Holders The Vernaculan Renegades

• Extreme who bought a babe against the Nigglers but had no call to use it given the pathetic display by the Dark Elves

Extreme who wasted their wizard against the Nigglers

• Extreme who unnecessarily brought an Igor against the Friends when a bribe might have saved them one of their send off

Most abject Failure to Score

Holders: Extreme Prejudice

• The Niggling Nagarothians who failed a go for it losing the ball against Extreme and then failed a two up dodge after re-collecting the ball close to the end zone

• Extreme who in the same game failed to even pick up the ball to try a long pass for a second score in the final turn

The Dicing with Death TOSSA

Holders: The Chaos All Stars

• Green Daze with a splendid turn one failed dodge rerolled and failed resulting in a kill for Reptile Dysfunction

• The Nigglers failed two two die blocks against Extreme in their 1-0 defeat as well as a dodge blitz.

Most Samlike performance

Holder: Six Up Sam AKA Suicide Sam AKA Senseless Sam and so on


• Sam

• Extreme who against the Friends had to make a Go For it, 3 up dodge, two dice block with no block skill that had to floor the opponent, 3 up pick up the ball, 5 up pass 3 up catch in a desperate defensive combination involving 4 players. Used a reroll on the block, the pass then intercepted.

• Sam

Sam

• The Nigglers who attempted a large number of difficult dodges against Extreme often with hilarious results

• Human Waste who scored with a block causing a knock on repositioning of their forward players, a 3 up dodge, ball pick up from a tackle zone 3 up, 2 up dodge and two go for its to score with one reroll. Sadly this succeeded, so not really samlike.

Sam narrowly retains it for his efforts to pass on his philosophy to Coach Green.

The Best Crowd Performance

Holders: Extreme Prejudice

• Two casualties for Friends of Khorne crowd v the Nigglers

• One for the Eternals v Reptile Dysfunction

• One for Extreme v the Nigglers

The Campaign for Undead Nurgle and Necromantic Teams Award

Holders: The Dead Ringers

Eternal Champions

• Extreme Prejudice

Newcomer Or Newly Constituted Entry

Holders: Blood Horde

• Friends of Khorne

Niggling Nagarothians

• Reptile Dysfunction

• The Family Killers

• Green Daze

• Human Waste

The Short Hideously Irritating Team Award

Holders: The Dwarf Death Dealers

No nominations this year.

The Fouling Unnecessarily Causing Casualties Award

(Also sponsored by the makers of the Schiller C2 Wheelable chair.)

Holders: The Eternal Champions


Disappointingly clean matches this season so far, just 7 send offs for our sides so no FUCC award this year

The Graham Poll Memorial TOSSA for the most shocking refereeing Decision.

Holders: Woodland Treehuggers

• Three Eternals sent off against the Family killers and then for the final drive the referee announces he is open to bribery. Play the game ref!

• Two rotters sent off late in the game against the Friends for innocuous fouls on a Minotaur.

• Sending off of Rotter Qualacob against the Nigglers, when he was in possession of the ball, talk about interfering with the flow of the game, don’t you just hate it when the ref tries to be the star?

Top Referee

Sadly, no nominations received again for the 95th straight year…

Finally, the Special Awards Presented by Each Fanzine

Every year we recognise with the most prestigious awards, the teams that have been the biggest thorns in our side: The slayers of fan favourites; the givers out of our most shameful drubbings; the teams in short that we hate the most.

Chaotic Really Awesome Performers Award

Awarded by In Extremis to the most deadly opponents of Extreme Prejudice

Held by The Rat Tailed Runners

• The Friends of Khorne

The Niggling Nagarothians

• Reptile Dysfunction

• Human Waste

The TOSPOT

Currently held jointly by the Entropic Marauders and The Vernaculan Renegades ‘The Other Side’s Premier Opposition Team’

• The Family Killers

Reptile Dysfunction

• Friends of Khorne

Reptile Dysfunction won as they really had the judges worried – worried that there would be none of them left for the second half
Finally two new awards presented by the Royston Avenue Motion Picture Academy of Nicholised* Television

*Television with no subtitles, animation or westerns allowed

Best Film from Film Night

In reverse order with no votes:

I’ll Spit on Your Grave
Grandma’s Boy
The Mist

With one vote

Dark Star
Iron Sky

With two votes
Conan The Barbarian

But the winner (on a tiebreak)

Cloud Atlas

Worst Film from Film Night

Again in reverse order with no votes:

Grandma’s Boy
Iron Sky
The Mist
Conan The Barbarian

With 2 votes

Cloud Atlas
Dark Star

But the winner

I’ll Spit on Your Grave

Cup Plans

Despite the fact that the league is not yet underway, the league commissioner has begun work on the draw for the Dungeonbowl and Chaos cups.

It’s been decided because only five teams are eligible for each competition that the two teams with the poorest records against the others involved in the competition will be involved in a run off for a place in the last four.

At this point not all teams have played each other so it’s unclear what fixtures are required before this can be established, however the first match in the Chaos cup has already been played towards establishing this.

It has been confirmed that from the Fatlox franchise Extreme will participate in the Chaos cup and the Eternals in the Dungeonbowl. The Eternals need to play Green Daze in the Dungeonbowl to resolve draw issues.

Around The Leagues

• This week TOS sent spies to watch the new upstart Wood elves facing Reptile Dysfunction
• Lizard men took down Green Daze with few problems 3-1
• Green Daze score was a warning sign that you can’t take your eye off the ball against slippery elves.
• But the Lizards swarmed all over the newcomers inflicting two deaths, though one was saved by unsporting medical interference
• Family Killers reported defunct after savage player losses
• They are returning to safer activities including hunting white walkers and snow trolls in the remote North East
• League has reportedly secured a skaven team as replacement.
• Reptile Dysfunction fight out 0-0 thriller with Friends of Khorne.

The ICF:

New this week from the ICF

Customised T Shirts

Just Some Examples:

‘I survived Death Dealer Massacre’

‘Official Crowd Rock Thrower’

‘Form is Temporary; Class is Eternal’

‘Join the Eternals on The Other Side’

‘Official Cheerleader Resuscitation Unit’

‘Ghoul Fan’

‘I’ve got the Wight Stuff’

‘Creoch Rocks’

‘Death Row Resident’

THE ICF:
Every Body Helps

The Eternal Champions:
In Victory: Malice;
In Defeat: Revenge

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