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 Out of the Frying Pan into the fire: Literally!

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Phlegm

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Number of posts : 751
Registration date : 2007-04-26

PostSubject: Out of the Frying Pan into the fire: Literally!   Mon 13 Jul - 11:49:02

Out of the Fire in to The Frying Pan: Literally!

So we returned tired but happy in the warm afterglow of a mass murdering*, literally well done. Only Sar D’Trakk seemed obviously disquieted as if he was somehow regretful at our perfectly legitimate genocidal act. The rest of us were unaffected, though Skarl Dreggal was a little quiet and Thud Wondrous was perhaps a little reflective, though it could have been that his brain had literally jammed as it seemed to do, literally all the time.

*And a ten thousand mega tonne explosion

Obviously Scrap Maverick is unaffected by anything, although maybe his trusty hat was set at a slightly less jaunty angle than usual. I of course with my noble blood have had it instilled in me literally from birth that occasionally my actions may have consequences for millions, so I was obviously completely unaffected.

Unfortunately Karma appeared still to be a valid concept and things took an obvious turn for the worse at this point, beginning with our vehicle literally running out of fuel about six hours short of our ship. Obviously this left us with a long walk, however, it turned out that maybe this was not such a bad thing.

Without a vehicle our approach was obviously stealthier and as a result we spotted half a dozen heavily armed men waiting around our ship when we returned. It was obvious that they hadn’t spotted us and equally obvious that they had overwhelmed the Besran collective easily, as we could see a dozen or more of our erstwhile brothers in arms tied up.

Then literally the worst possible thing happened: As we inched closer to the intruders with no obvious plan in mind, my comlink rang at full volume and we were suddenly looking down the business end of a dangerous number* of plasma projectors and assault shotguns, with trigger fingers literally just waiting for an excuse for full deployment.

*Any number being a dangerous number

Obviously there was only one thing to do, which involved soothing words, no sudden moves, placing of our weapons on the ground and lots of positive and unthreatening body language. Not so obvious though to Thud who decided to attempt resistance. Declining their very kind offer of a very handsome pair of magnetic handcuffs, he literally head butted his captor.

Obviously given the fact that the guy was wearing full armour, this did very little, other than giving the guy a good laugh. He even deactivated his helmet so he could literally laugh in Thud’s face. Was Thud down hearted or discouraged? Obviously not as he tried it on again.

Obviously this resistance was futile, but Sar did try to make use of the distraction, reaching for a grenade, however, our opposition was on the lookout for any such obvious moves and it was explained to Sar as the cuffs were slapped on Thud that our captors were of the ‘ruthless killer’ variety, not the ‘stupid let’s lock up our prisoners in a barn full of material that obviously converts into an apocalyptic weapon with nothing more than a couple of sheets of four by two and a quick montage.’*

*Copyright the A Team 1982, used without permission

This was demonstrated by the simple expedient of the offer of a demonstration of the obviously explosive filled collars that we now noted around the necks of the Besran collective prisoners, which included the Turbanator.* Obviously we assured the group who had now been joined by others previously out of sight that such a demonstration was unnecessary, but they ignored our pleas and literally blew their circled prisoners heads off, the heads falling neatly in a pile in the middle of the ring of prisoners.

*Yes, she was back

The dramatic effect was slightly undermined by the attempts of a couple of headless corpses to run around a bit which caused some brief confusion, but we got the obvious message, even Thud. We were herded into the ship and assigned to our own quarters, it seemed we were to be well treated by these men who were obviously ex-military mercs.

Obviously they were too bright to use Scrap to navigate and we made the jump to wherever we were going successfully and without incident, except I lost thirty credits playing poker with them over those days. Although I had retained several concealed weapons I felt on the whole that my head was better where it was and I decided that this was literally not the time for heroics.

Even Scrap, for whom any time is the time for heroics, seemed to agree and as we were being well treated and not under obvious threat we decided to literally wait out the situation. Sar seemed to be having his own problems, literally every night you could hear him battling his personal demons in his dreams, though he refused to talk about it.

Also during the trip I checked my compad that had literally been our downfall planetside and discovered a curious message: Someone was offering me 100,000 credits to deliver Thud to them alive. Given his recent displays of obstinacy, that was quite a project, even if I was inclined to take it up, but obviously the message raised many questions. Of course 100,000 credits would be very handy, that much was obvious.

So we arrived successfully and discovered that we had literally dropped in on the Dotta System, our destination: The planet Elipandas. We are taken to a bare concrete cell, I noticed that Scrap had obviously changed his clothes, which seemed peculiar as the handcuffs we all wore made this literally impossible unless he could take them off. I was about to raise this with Maverick but he stopped me literally as I was about to ask, perhaps he’s our third psyker?

The walls of our prison were suspicious and literally hot to touch, it seemed clear they were some form of one way wall or some such, at the very least we were obviously under close observation. Who should arrive a few minutes later but Anastacia Bobringcov, the woman we had met literally once before; the time we were hired to transport ‘cereal’ for the Baxter corporation.

Obviously things had since moved on. She explained to us that we had literally no choice but to work for her, in reparation for the tremendous harm we had done on our previous ill-judged mission. She explained that the majority of our highly lucrative fee was forfeit, and obviously she had extremely high connections at government/ super criminal level as she had already eased our bank account of most of its unfortunate burden.

Even though we were now literally hundreds of thousands worse off, we still owed her heavily: A million credits was literally short of the required amount, add another 100k to that. Obviously we had no choice but to accept her deal. She expressed some displeasure with her guards when she noticed that I remained armed, and they were literally quaking in their boots when Maverick handed over his cuffs without the guards unlocking them after I was disarmed.

She was even more upset when he revealed that he had paper and pen hidden under his hat and it was obvious that at least one of our merc acquaintances would have a few regrets about these issues in the morning. After the deal was sealed, Thud had one of his Thuddish moments of madness, he decided to pinch the mega boss’s very obvious posterior on the way out.

Obviously he never made it, his grasping digits finding no purchase on the invisible energy shield a few inches from their tempting target. Thud had the error of his ways explained to him in the form of a thrashing that took him literally to the brink of eternal sleep, and we were treated to every bone crunching moment as we watched from the command centre on a vidscreed that showed every detail in glorious technicolour, though obviously red was pretty much the only pigment required.

The coup de grace was a synchronised double leg break and triple axle, obviously a well-rehearsed move followed up by the limbs concerned being immediately encased in a trauma recovery unit kept handy for just such an event. Obviously this was quite a distraction,* but we managed to glean from the briefing that Anastacia delivered, quite oblivious to the site and sounds of Thud’s punishment, that we would be travelling to Strophios in the Hild system, two jumps away.

*Especially for Thud who scarcely seemed to be paying attention at all.


The thought of two jumps under the cool calm navigation skills of Maverick literally filled us with additional dread, an impressive feat considering the amount of fear we were already drowning in. Once there, assuming we made it obviously, we were to seize a Koth Strangler, held in stasis at the Fevercrumb Research bio research facility in Hab Zone 1 of Mega City 31.

The afore mentioned strangler was apparently an alien snake monster, the same variety that we had met on the ancient battleship where we had found Skarl, except literally four times bigger. For this we would receive 30,000 credits and our debt would fall by 170,000, literally a drop in the ocean. Obviously it was not this straight forward though: The opposition, whoever they were also had ambitions to seize the creature. A raid by up to fifteen shadow runners with literally exactly the same objective as ourselves was already in the pipeline.

Our intel showed that the enemy plan was to blast into the research facility from an adjacent hotel, seize the creature in its containment crate and load it onto a vehicle and then offworld. The timetable suggested we had a thirty day attack window, obviously we needed time to get to Strophios so we might even arrive too late, especially with our track record of detouring literally every trip to uncharted destinations because of our alleged navigational computer fault.

Unescorted at last we literally had the first opportunity to draw breath: Sar announced to me that he had received a mysterious message that offered him 100k for killing me. I told him about mine and Scrap too had received a message, to kill Sar. Only Thud and Skarl seemed out of this loop, but I remained highly suspicious of Thud in particular as he, like me, had particularly asked to keep his handcuffs, obviously these would be highly useful to anyone offered 100k to capture anyone alive.*

*Obviously that thought was the furthest thing from my mind when I asked to keep mine, I just though that they would come in handy.

During the (amazingly) successful double jump we obviously had some days to make plans. Questions revolved around whether to go in first or await the raiders and literally jump them once they had done the dirty and hopefully dangerous hard work. We could reach no firm decision on this, but we did decide some sort of recce was obviously in order, whether physically, by making contacts with employees and visiting, or virtually, perhaps with some judicious hacking into security systems.

We landed without incident, obviously this was a highly developed planet and the mega city had all mod cons. Sar and Thud did some scouting whilst Scrap and I lounged in an internet café, literally opposite the site. From here we could see comings and goings, do a little surfing on the bureau and might even bump into employees.

Sar and Thud had disguised themselves to do a little more proactive scouting, and they booked four modules at the hotel, these modules were literally coffin sized self-contained capsules where you could enjoy the full range of miniaturised hotel services whilst literally impersonating a sardine. They also contacted the bureau and booked an appointment for two days’ time for a consultation on possible work on Thud’s legs.

The excellence of this as a cover story was that Thud of course was still recovering from his injuries, literally limping around the place on crutches, the idea was that he was considering bionic replacements but might wish to cryogenically preserve his damaged legs as a precaution. The only downside was the time frame as we were literally half way through the attack window having taken nearly two weeks to reach planetfall.

All this we discussed meeting up at the hotel that evening after Sar and Thud mysteriously failed to meet up with us at the café despite agreeing this literally an hour before. The only incident of note at the café was when an odd couple, one on crutches, literally crashed into my table and dropped a piece of paper almost into my drink. I barely kept my temper but obviously did so as I politely handed him back his litter. Really, sometimes I literally do not understand how some people get along.

Anyway, I decided that it was time to take in some local colour and atmosphere, obviously a local brothel would be an excellent choice in this direction, so I consulted the robotic concierge and got an address from him which a local cab conveyed me to in double quick time. I was ushered in and was soon all too obviously enjoying a cultural exchange with a couple of very pleasant if expensively priced local courtesans named Mel and Kim.

Obviously the gods, cruel and unusual as they always are on these occasions chose to screw us over completely. As I later learned, Maverick awoke to the sound of hushed whispers and the gentle clink of equipment of the sort generated by ten to fifteen heavily armed men wearing gas masks and  setting up charges and cutting equipment literally yards from his sleeping chamber.

The scent in the air told him that an airborne agent had obviously been introduced to ensure that the hotel guests remained blissfully unaware of any disturbance, Scrap’s companions had obviously been affected. In an inspired moment, Scrap heroically ordered room service to both capsules and the chime announcing the arrival of their (very cheap) water, literally roused them, though for Sar it was somewhat traumatic as he emerged into one of his customary nightmares.

Thud, ever the one for a measured, considered response obviously reacted by emerging immediately from his cocoon, (not without difficulty given his crutches), and asking a startled masked ninja the way to the toilet. He got a dose of gas for his trouble but seemed resistant. Meanwhile I had been alerted and was hurtling back by cab at literally warp speed thanks to substantial inducements offered to my driver who was feeling like he’d won the lottery.

I called Sar to see how things were going, but I could hear little over the gunfire so I hung up, really, sometimes my comrades were literally the rudest people you could work with. When my cab pulled up I could hear shots and I tumbled out cocking my shotgun and calling to the girls to remain where they were.*

*Well obviously they came too, I’d paid 600 credits up front for the whole night.

As I surveyed the scene a grenade thrown by D’Trakk went off, I could see that Scrap had been hit and D’Trakk had just gone down and was lying very still. I fired at a couple of obviously bad guys but missed and was hit by return plasma fire causing me to black out for a few moments. Thud it seems was now literally the hero of the hour, using his medic skills to bring round Sar and stabilise Scrap.

The bad guys meanwhile with no opposition standing obviously concentrated on shifting the snake creature in its huge crate with mag lifters and loading their truck. A truck that they had trouble starting, as unknown to me and obviously them, Thud had already sabotaged it after following them out of the hotel.

Our medics fixed me up too, but obviously there seemed to be another Koth Strangler related problem: The enemy leader was obviously concerned that it was beginning to awaken and he was obviously right from what we could see. We resumed an exchange of fire, though Mel and Kim were still trying to revive Scrap who we had literally dragged to the cab and who seemed to have taken the worst of it.

Half of the raiders had fled and we were able to take the van, replace the part stripped by Thud and I started her up, literally first time. Thud hopped, well hobbled into the back and I literally floored it with the others following in the cab. Unfortunately a plasma hit struck the crate causing a serious coolant leak and by the time I drove straight into the ship’s cargo hold, the strangler was beginning to revive seriously.

Fortunately we were able to seal it in and blast off, but not before I had to lighten my purse of several hundred more credits to Mel, Kim and the taxi driver, obviously I will need to return to this place to claim my money’s worth. Once safely away we jumped back to Elipandas and Anastacia and a recovery crew, who used knock out gas to flood our hold, relieving us of our very bad tempered passenger. Another job well done, and with our extortionate penalty payment deducted from our otherwise reasonable fee, we obviously have been.

11.7.15
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